Wedding days can be all sorts of things: exciting, chaotic, emotional, joyful, even calm. What determines how the day will go is not the vendors, the bridesmaids or missing flowers… What determines how the day goes is the wedding couple. After all, everyone is gathered here on this day in support and celebration of the wedding couple. Friends, family, and vendors all work together to create the vision the couple hopes for.

It can be easy to lose your cool when everyone is asking you questions and wanting solutions to problems that arise. On my wedding day, I too was stressed, clutching a Smirnoff in one hand and trying to give answers to people who were only trying to help my vision come to life.

I’m in this position now where I’ve seen so many wedding days and the unpredictable element that leads to stress and worry for couples. I’ve watched bridesmaids work to hide problems, parents in a full sweat setting up perfect table décor, and so much more.

My purpose for this post is to offer a little advice for anyone who is about to get married. You set the tone for how the day goes.

If you want to alleviate stress- designate people to solve problems for you.

If you want to have a calm day- set boundaries ahead of time.

If you want the day to be filled with joy- allow yourself to feel and allow others to be by your side.

The couple pictured below had one of the most fun weddings I have photographed yet. The bride (Stephanie) and groom (Colby) spent the morning getting ready in the same room. They shared time with friends and family, allowing people in and out of their rooms and taking the moments slowly. They cared deeply about their photos but didn’t let the posed photos take up too much of their time. When elevators broke or when we got stuck in hotel hallways, they just went with it.

What I love about the photos below are that you can see how much fun they had. You can see how their day felt and when I say “you set the tone” I mean that even for your photos, because while I can capture and take photos with great lighting or good angles, what comes across are the feelings and what the couple experienced.